I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
