based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
