don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
