the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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