So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
