a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
two words...techno handjob
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
