What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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