i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
