I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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