Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it

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(905): View more from Ontario

She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.

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(636): View more from Missouri

Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight

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(559): View more from California

Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes

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(863): View more from Florida

not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.

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