I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
