I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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