I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
