Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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