My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
