I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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