Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
