I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
