We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
