This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
