Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
