The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
