Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
