Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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