if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
