Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
