your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
