I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
