Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
the condom got lost in my hair
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
