It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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