worst night to have a conscience
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
