Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
