You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
