She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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