.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
