Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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