No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
