the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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