Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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