Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
