I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
