Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
