Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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