Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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