dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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