I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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