I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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