i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
