the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
