benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
